How To Have A Great Argument ~ Heidi Elznic

Hey, I'm hijacking Nate's Mind today...enjoy :)


Misunderstandings...they’re so confusing, so exasperating, so stupid.  If you’re like me, I mentally retrace my conversation to try to pinpoint the miscommunication.  If I am objective (and that’s a big IF in the heat of the moment), I see where BOTH of us could have been clearer...or at least nicer.  Although this seems like a logical thing to do since I don’t want make the same mistake twice, studies have shown it’s actually proven to be, and I quote, “really dumb”!  I have never resolved an argument by retracing every word and pointing out who did it “wrong” cuz guess what, what’s “wrong” to me is fine for you and what’s “wrong” to you has never offended me etc. etc...Even if the conversation would have been perfectly planned, the perfect words chosen, and discussed at the perfect time, there would still be a good chance that both you and I would not HEAR it the same, or that someone would read into a word that was never meant to be read into!  And then what do we do?  We argue about what was said during our argument (this is reaching astonishing levels of genius)!  Unfortunately there wasn’t a scribe handy to jot down our little talk, so nobody will ever be able to prove the difference between what was said, what someone thought was said, what was never said, and what someone thought someone thought about saying.  Let’s be real, when we start splitting hairs about what words were said instead of just HEARING each other, all we’re trying to prove is who’s right. No, let me say that again: all we’re trying to prove is that me, me, ME; I’M RIGHT!!!  It’s safe to say that at this point I’m not smarter than a 1st Grader.  Here’s a new idea: we need to take responsibility for ourselves during an argument.  Self-ownership is a huge responsibility!  Self-ownership means no one can make you feel, act, or think a certain way: you and I feel what we allow ourselves to feel, act how we allow ourselves to act, or think what we allow ourselves to think. And with self-ownership comes the release of other-person-ownership. We usually get these two confused: We try to make the other person own their part when we only have the right to own OUR part.  Don’t you wish your neighbor was reading this?! (WARNING: The selfish and immature should quit reading right now unless they’re willing to put on some big-person panties!) This means I am the only one responsible for me.  God will not hold me accountable for how someone else lived their entire life just like He won’t hold you accountable for mine.  What I’m suggesting is this: whether you’re talking about money or macaroni, an argument can quickly become ridiculously blown out of proportion.  WE don’t have to become ridiculous along with it, WE can stay calm and realize the person we are screaming at means more to us than a few dollars and some slimy pasta, WE can keep our voice steady and stick to the original point, WE can find a solution.  Maybe it’s time to define SOLUTION. A solution is not to have the best argument, or to name call, or to win the argument, or to turn all my friends against your friends, or to say the other person is wrong since they started the argument, or to keep the argument alive as long as possible, or (my favorite) to say someone is “unbiblical”.  These may seem like obvious non-solutions but I’ve done extensive in- the-field research just to make sure.  And it seems that a solution isn’t even finding what works best for ME!  A solution is found when it works for both of us. When WE work from self-ownership, we work from strength not frantic reaction.  Frantic reaction never paints anybody in their best light, unless you look your best in “really dumb”.  Let’s face it, we’ve all had stupid arguments. I know my favorites are between my husband and I when neither of us can recall what started the whole thing.  So please give yourself some grace: anybody’s words can be taken badly and cause a fight; and give everybody around you that same grace along the lines of “do to others what you want done to you”.  And join me as I challenge myself to go deeper in the realms of “self-ownership”.  It’s not easy, it takes a lot of courage, but the sooner you and I decide we are the only ones responsible for our happiness, the sooner we can discover Paul’s secret to truly being at peace in any situation.


Disclaimer: The title was tongue-in-cheek, not to be taken literal.  If, however, you are looking for a good argument I’m sure there’s one about to break out on any given playground.

N8's MIND!: Prioritizing Kids over husband!

N8's MIND!: Prioritizing Kids over husband!: "I just wanted to give you a taste of the weekend service at the Fusion! Heidi and I will be talking to Ladies about marriag..."

Prioritizing Kids over husband!

I just wanted to give you a taste of the weekend service at the Fusion!  Heidi and I  will be talking to Ladies about marriage! I tell you its going to be incredible!

*Prioritizing Kids over husband: so common, so acceptable, so wrong! It is easy to prioritize our children: they have to listen to you, you’re older & wiser, and there is a natural bond between mother & child.  I don’t think this happens on purpose, maybe I’m nieave, but I believe most women either had this modeled by their mother, or unconsciously decided their children were more emotionally dependable than their husband.  Unintentionally, moms can create an insecurity in their children by doing this: the kids become insecure because the natural bond between husband and wife has been replaced by the unhealthy bond between mother & child, and the child know he/she can‘t meet all of mom‘s needs.  Not the plan God had in mind.  The most secure children, according to trusted Christian counselor Dr. James Dobson, are the ones whose parents have prioritized their own marriage over the parent-child relationship.  So we ditch our true feminine identity and settle for a fraction of our potential: we trade being a “woman” for being a “mom”. We trade our beauty in for efficiency since makeup & nice clothes aren’t practical (a nice looking shirt goes in the wash just as well as a grungy one, a full face of makeup takes about 8 minutes to put on. On our Sabbath, I periodically give my face a rest from makeup, but then I end up avoiding the mirror that day, yet everyone else around sees me all day long, just something to think about), we trade working on our marriage in for going the extra mile for everyone but our husband (too busy with work in or out of the house, coddling children & not letting them grow up, always have time for kids/friends/family),  we trade lavishing attention on our husband for lavishing it on the kids, and kids aren’t giving people, they take!  It’s the nature of growing up, they need help: At first, it’s our 3-month-old with highchairs, bouncy seats, swings, bassinet, playpen, carseat, diapers, laundry and toys covering every square foot of the house, then the next day the kids request to turn the family’s living room into a fort, complete with dismantled couch cushions alienating every adult who dares to want to sit down, and then they have a slumber party that keeps the whole family up until 2am and wakes them back up at 6am, then they want to take your vehicle and leave town with other people who are just as irresponsible as they are!  Kids can be unreasonable, but it’s the joy of raising kids.  But our husbands begin to pursue us romantically at 11 at night and we think “can this man BE any more unreasonable?!?  What’s wrong with our priorities?  Which brings me to: we trade affection from a man (whom God made as our suitable counterpart spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically) for jelly kisses from children (who don‘t posses the capacity to fulfill us as a whole person).  In the end, we are left with an empty nest and our husband, who has become a stranger, uncomfortable to be around.  If we are doing this “for the children”, is this the role model we want to portray to them? Is this the marriage we want for them, because we are daily giving them a step by step guide how to duplicate this type of marriage.  It’s not selfish to prioritize your marriage over your kids, it’s the exact opposite of that! It’s modeling taking care of yourself first, putting the oxygen mask on yourself (something moms become horrible at), and teaching our children to do the same. And then there’s our husband: what about our marriage vows, when we pledged the rest of our lives to our man, just as he did to us? Now that we’re not mothering (or smothering) our kids, we can put some time and energy to keeping our vows.

-written by Heidi Elznic

Hey Haters

Incredible video! Check it out! Choose to either be one that builds up the body of Christ or tears it down!

Reach People!

A recent blog I read:
People ask me all the time how we’ve been able to see so many people come to Christ in five years.

Outside of the favor of God, I could give you a lot of specifics. Tell you a lot of things that we’ve done. But none of it will help you until you make a decision we made in the early days of our church.

And that was the decision to be more focused on the people we’re trying to reach than on the people we’re trying to keep. As others have said, to befishers of men, not just keepers of the aquarium.

We’re not going to cater to the personal preferences of the few in our pursuit of the salvation of the many.

And that includes if the few is ten people when we’re pursuing one hundred.
Or 5,000 when we’re pursuing 10,000.
Or 10,000 when we’re pursuing 20,000.

Most people and churches aren’t willing to do that. They’re keepers of the aquarium. They say they want to reach people, but in reality they’re more focused on preservation than expansion. On keeping people rather than reaching them.

They let saved people dictate style. Saved people dictate focus. Saved people dictate vision.

The result is a room full of saved people. Not people getting saved. Why? Because the people you’re trying to reach aren’t interested in the church that has been created by the people you’re trying to keep. If they were, they’d be coming. But they’re not.

For some reason, right here is where people usually play the discipleship card. They’re trying to disciple the people they’re trying to keep. They accuse you of pitting evangelism against discipleship.

But that isn’t the case. I just believe true disciples should care more about making disciples than freeze framing the church the way it was when they became one. Or wanting twenty-six programs customized to their liking. If the mark of Christian maturity is a bunch of people who want to create a museum glorifying and preserving their personal preferences and then sanctify it by calling it a church, count me out.

Some people say why can’t we have both? You can. Focus on the people you want to reach and you’ll keep the people you want to keep. Let the rest walk. They’ll find a church elsewhere to graze.

The way I see it is they’re just occupying the space of a person who needs to hear the gospel. You’ll fill their seat.
And it will be with the person who needs it the most. - Pastor Steven Furtick

My Thoughts: Its time we become the church Jesus talked about!  That church that has a passion for those that have yet to be reached.  I want nothing more than to be a place that reaches our city and reaches broken people that if it was not for the power of God they would untransformed.  95%  of all church plants just move sheep from one pen to another.  To be a church that has a heart to reach the lost with the POWER of God seems to be a foreign concept to most according to stats. Anytime you set out to do something out of the norm you will experience set backs, attacks, contention, etc... Yet if we let Jesus teach us, correct us, mold us, and use us we will only become better! Lets keep our eyes fixed on the author and finisher of our faith and then do what He did!

 I was doing a funeral in Nebraska recently and saw a sign for a museum of Religious artifacts.  I instantly heard the Lord say, Nate every artifact had an amazing beginning that was intended to reach my lost people, but then the way to keep the people became more important than the heart to still reach them. This is why it is on a shelf.  Nate don't look to the shelf on how ministry use to be done, but look into the world and see my harvest! Do what you see and you will reach my lost people. 

Third Day Trust In Jesus

Covenant!

cov·e·nant

 - Law . an incidental clause in such an agreement.  Ecclesiastical . a solemn agreement between the members of a church to act together in harmony with the precepts of the gospel.  The conditional promises made to humanity by god, as revealed in Scripture.  The agreement between God and the ancient Israelites,in which God promised to protect them if they kept His law and were faithful to Him.  Formal agreement of legal validity, esp. one under seal.  To enter into a covenant.  To promise by covenant; pledge.

2 Kings 23:3

3 The king took his place of authority beside the pillar and renewed the covenant in the Lord's presence. He pledged to obey the Lord by keeping all his commands, laws, and decrees with all his heart and soul. In this way, he confirmed all the terms of the covenant that were written in the scroll, and all the people pledged themselves to the covenant.

Heb 10:16-17

16 "This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the Lord: I will put My laws into their hearts, and in their minds I will write them," 

NKJV

 I will say this and set the record straight form the beginning!  If we were even a tiny bit as FAITHFUL to others as God is to us, we as His church would be incredible at relationship! (1 Tim. 2:13)  Covenant is not an agreement to be kept until you are no longer willing to do the work of relationship, it is not a pledge that is only good until you come to a disagreement.  It is a vow of relationship made between God and man!  Not to be broken or taken lightly.  It is this covenant that we make with God that should govern or dictate how we do relationship with one another! My question I ask myself and you is this: "What does God say about this other person and if they were my kid, how would I want them treated?"  I believe if we were all mature enough to ask that question we would see a lot less hurt in the church and world.  I also believe if we held each other accountable for the choices we made in relationship, and worked all issues out with the heart of restoration before we acted, we would find that the world would come in throngs to our services.  Instead we have a history of hypocrisy, judgmental attitudes, and broken people who have now defined Christianity to the world.  Our wounded example is the only example of Jesus the unchurched person has, and because of this, men and women who are looking for The Answer say, "I want nothing to do with that ........"(you fill in the explicit blank)!  I am by no means an expert and a have just a few more things to learn (or a few million more) about the covenant we make with others.  I do have a desire to do all in my power to do relationships right, and this desire runs as deep as my passion to serve Jesus Christ!  

As I preach this next month on relationships I will lay out some God given Kingdom principles which should govern how we do relationship with each other! What does God have to say about Grace, Truth, Transparency, Boundaries,  Faithfulness, Accountability, Confidentiality, and other Biblical principles in relationship?