N8's MIND!: Prioritizing Kids over husband!

N8's MIND!: Prioritizing Kids over husband!: "I just wanted to give you a taste of the weekend service at the Fusion! Heidi and I will be talking to Ladies about marriag..."

Prioritizing Kids over husband!

I just wanted to give you a taste of the weekend service at the Fusion!  Heidi and I  will be talking to Ladies about marriage! I tell you its going to be incredible!

*Prioritizing Kids over husband: so common, so acceptable, so wrong! It is easy to prioritize our children: they have to listen to you, you’re older & wiser, and there is a natural bond between mother & child.  I don’t think this happens on purpose, maybe I’m nieave, but I believe most women either had this modeled by their mother, or unconsciously decided their children were more emotionally dependable than their husband.  Unintentionally, moms can create an insecurity in their children by doing this: the kids become insecure because the natural bond between husband and wife has been replaced by the unhealthy bond between mother & child, and the child know he/she can‘t meet all of mom‘s needs.  Not the plan God had in mind.  The most secure children, according to trusted Christian counselor Dr. James Dobson, are the ones whose parents have prioritized their own marriage over the parent-child relationship.  So we ditch our true feminine identity and settle for a fraction of our potential: we trade being a “woman” for being a “mom”. We trade our beauty in for efficiency since makeup & nice clothes aren’t practical (a nice looking shirt goes in the wash just as well as a grungy one, a full face of makeup takes about 8 minutes to put on. On our Sabbath, I periodically give my face a rest from makeup, but then I end up avoiding the mirror that day, yet everyone else around sees me all day long, just something to think about), we trade working on our marriage in for going the extra mile for everyone but our husband (too busy with work in or out of the house, coddling children & not letting them grow up, always have time for kids/friends/family),  we trade lavishing attention on our husband for lavishing it on the kids, and kids aren’t giving people, they take!  It’s the nature of growing up, they need help: At first, it’s our 3-month-old with highchairs, bouncy seats, swings, bassinet, playpen, carseat, diapers, laundry and toys covering every square foot of the house, then the next day the kids request to turn the family’s living room into a fort, complete with dismantled couch cushions alienating every adult who dares to want to sit down, and then they have a slumber party that keeps the whole family up until 2am and wakes them back up at 6am, then they want to take your vehicle and leave town with other people who are just as irresponsible as they are!  Kids can be unreasonable, but it’s the joy of raising kids.  But our husbands begin to pursue us romantically at 11 at night and we think “can this man BE any more unreasonable?!?  What’s wrong with our priorities?  Which brings me to: we trade affection from a man (whom God made as our suitable counterpart spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically) for jelly kisses from children (who don‘t posses the capacity to fulfill us as a whole person).  In the end, we are left with an empty nest and our husband, who has become a stranger, uncomfortable to be around.  If we are doing this “for the children”, is this the role model we want to portray to them? Is this the marriage we want for them, because we are daily giving them a step by step guide how to duplicate this type of marriage.  It’s not selfish to prioritize your marriage over your kids, it’s the exact opposite of that! It’s modeling taking care of yourself first, putting the oxygen mask on yourself (something moms become horrible at), and teaching our children to do the same. And then there’s our husband: what about our marriage vows, when we pledged the rest of our lives to our man, just as he did to us? Now that we’re not mothering (or smothering) our kids, we can put some time and energy to keeping our vows.

-written by Heidi Elznic

Hey Haters

Incredible video! Check it out! Choose to either be one that builds up the body of Christ or tears it down!

Reach People!

A recent blog I read:
People ask me all the time how we’ve been able to see so many people come to Christ in five years.

Outside of the favor of God, I could give you a lot of specifics. Tell you a lot of things that we’ve done. But none of it will help you until you make a decision we made in the early days of our church.

And that was the decision to be more focused on the people we’re trying to reach than on the people we’re trying to keep. As others have said, to befishers of men, not just keepers of the aquarium.

We’re not going to cater to the personal preferences of the few in our pursuit of the salvation of the many.

And that includes if the few is ten people when we’re pursuing one hundred.
Or 5,000 when we’re pursuing 10,000.
Or 10,000 when we’re pursuing 20,000.

Most people and churches aren’t willing to do that. They’re keepers of the aquarium. They say they want to reach people, but in reality they’re more focused on preservation than expansion. On keeping people rather than reaching them.

They let saved people dictate style. Saved people dictate focus. Saved people dictate vision.

The result is a room full of saved people. Not people getting saved. Why? Because the people you’re trying to reach aren’t interested in the church that has been created by the people you’re trying to keep. If they were, they’d be coming. But they’re not.

For some reason, right here is where people usually play the discipleship card. They’re trying to disciple the people they’re trying to keep. They accuse you of pitting evangelism against discipleship.

But that isn’t the case. I just believe true disciples should care more about making disciples than freeze framing the church the way it was when they became one. Or wanting twenty-six programs customized to their liking. If the mark of Christian maturity is a bunch of people who want to create a museum glorifying and preserving their personal preferences and then sanctify it by calling it a church, count me out.

Some people say why can’t we have both? You can. Focus on the people you want to reach and you’ll keep the people you want to keep. Let the rest walk. They’ll find a church elsewhere to graze.

The way I see it is they’re just occupying the space of a person who needs to hear the gospel. You’ll fill their seat.
And it will be with the person who needs it the most. - Pastor Steven Furtick

My Thoughts: Its time we become the church Jesus talked about!  That church that has a passion for those that have yet to be reached.  I want nothing more than to be a place that reaches our city and reaches broken people that if it was not for the power of God they would untransformed.  95%  of all church plants just move sheep from one pen to another.  To be a church that has a heart to reach the lost with the POWER of God seems to be a foreign concept to most according to stats. Anytime you set out to do something out of the norm you will experience set backs, attacks, contention, etc... Yet if we let Jesus teach us, correct us, mold us, and use us we will only become better! Lets keep our eyes fixed on the author and finisher of our faith and then do what He did!

 I was doing a funeral in Nebraska recently and saw a sign for a museum of Religious artifacts.  I instantly heard the Lord say, Nate every artifact had an amazing beginning that was intended to reach my lost people, but then the way to keep the people became more important than the heart to still reach them. This is why it is on a shelf.  Nate don't look to the shelf on how ministry use to be done, but look into the world and see my harvest! Do what you see and you will reach my lost people. 

Third Day Trust In Jesus

Covenant!

cov·e·nant

 - Law . an incidental clause in such an agreement.  Ecclesiastical . a solemn agreement between the members of a church to act together in harmony with the precepts of the gospel.  The conditional promises made to humanity by god, as revealed in Scripture.  The agreement between God and the ancient Israelites,in which God promised to protect them if they kept His law and were faithful to Him.  Formal agreement of legal validity, esp. one under seal.  To enter into a covenant.  To promise by covenant; pledge.

2 Kings 23:3

3 The king took his place of authority beside the pillar and renewed the covenant in the Lord's presence. He pledged to obey the Lord by keeping all his commands, laws, and decrees with all his heart and soul. In this way, he confirmed all the terms of the covenant that were written in the scroll, and all the people pledged themselves to the covenant.

Heb 10:16-17

16 "This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the Lord: I will put My laws into their hearts, and in their minds I will write them," 

NKJV

 I will say this and set the record straight form the beginning!  If we were even a tiny bit as FAITHFUL to others as God is to us, we as His church would be incredible at relationship! (1 Tim. 2:13)  Covenant is not an agreement to be kept until you are no longer willing to do the work of relationship, it is not a pledge that is only good until you come to a disagreement.  It is a vow of relationship made between God and man!  Not to be broken or taken lightly.  It is this covenant that we make with God that should govern or dictate how we do relationship with one another! My question I ask myself and you is this: "What does God say about this other person and if they were my kid, how would I want them treated?"  I believe if we were all mature enough to ask that question we would see a lot less hurt in the church and world.  I also believe if we held each other accountable for the choices we made in relationship, and worked all issues out with the heart of restoration before we acted, we would find that the world would come in throngs to our services.  Instead we have a history of hypocrisy, judgmental attitudes, and broken people who have now defined Christianity to the world.  Our wounded example is the only example of Jesus the unchurched person has, and because of this, men and women who are looking for The Answer say, "I want nothing to do with that ........"(you fill in the explicit blank)!  I am by no means an expert and a have just a few more things to learn (or a few million more) about the covenant we make with others.  I do have a desire to do all in my power to do relationships right, and this desire runs as deep as my passion to serve Jesus Christ!  

As I preach this next month on relationships I will lay out some God given Kingdom principles which should govern how we do relationship with each other! What does God have to say about Grace, Truth, Transparency, Boundaries,  Faithfulness, Accountability, Confidentiality, and other Biblical principles in relationship?

The 11 people who influenced my life the most in 2010

1.  Jesus!  No He is not dead but alive and left the greatest impact on my life by far!  If it wasn't for His strength, encouragement, compassion, love, joy, and just the plain fun of hanging with my best friend I would be nothing!  Yet in Him I am everything!


2. Heidi Elznic!  She is an incredible wife, cook, my BFF and the best mother I have ever seen!  If it wasn't for her believing in me and not letting me get away with mediocre, I wouldn't dare to risk! Your purity, passion, strength, character, and take no crap attitude has been God sent. Thanks for being YOU!  You know how to host the peace and presence of God in an incredible way!  Together there is nothing we can't do.  I love working side by side with you everyday!

3. My children: Israel (11), Corban (9), Shekinah (8), Zion (7)! Yes that's more than one, but hey, they are my kids so I can do that! Israel, you are my accountability in being a dad and a little spit fire, you're an amazing leader!! Corban, you are a creative genius who thinks outside the box, my best friend and more of a man than even some people 4 times your age!! Shekinah, your smile always brightens my day, you define purity and innosence, your sensitivity to God is admirable! Zion, you are so much like me it is scary, your are a standard bearer and you love with strength! To my children, the world is your playground and greatness is your calling!  You mold me, change me, strengthen  me, teach me, and never give up on me!

4. Andy Leenstra.  Your advice, wisdom, heart of a father, and friendship over the last year was heaven sent!  To find someone with the same desire and heart for transparent relationships is incredible! You model what relationship should look like in the body of Christ!  Thank-you for spiritually fathering me in relationship and being my friend!

5. Eric Dykstra.  Your wisdom for how to run a ministry and the boundaries to set around yourself are God sent!  I wish I could have learned some of this stuff early in ministry because it would have saved me some true heart ache.  Thank-you for caring about the little guys with big dreams!

6. Alan Langstaff.  You are a true spiritual father!  Thank-you for relationship, correction, grace, wisdom, and believing in people when others don't!  Thank you for taking the time to invest in young ministers to make us look like Jesus!  I love your Passion for JESUS!

7. Joesph Schlicting.  You are a true friend!  Thank you for being there for me and listening to me so many times on so many levels!  Your maturity and commitment to God, marriage, and family is admirable and worth following!  Your encouragement runs deep!  You rock!

8. Jon Davis.  You are an amazing friend! Thanks for keeping my family rightly aligned in the spine and spirit!  I truly could have not risked this last year without your involvement in my life! Thanks for always believing in me and pushing me to be my best!  You're an amazing back up preacher as well!

9. Jonathan and Tiffany Beukelman. What an amazing brother and sister I have! Love hanging out with you guys and your friendship and encouragement has been God sent!  Thanks for taking an interest in my children this last year! They need true Christians in their lives that do relationship well, even caring about them!  Your reward is great in heaven and on earth for caring about the little ones! (Mark 9:42)

10.  Mark Johnson.  10 years of ministry training I went through and would do it all again!  Thanks for giving me the start in launching a new church to reach people who were like me.  I'm grateful to have had you as a spiritual father for the last ten years, and teaching me about 5 fold ministry!

11. The Fusion.  Yes, there is more than one again but we were one in Christ this year!  I love all of you and we went through a lot together and have become tighter and stronger in Christ because of it!  You were there for each other and will be rewarded for this!  The way you embraced the vision and your heart for the city is to be applauded!  This next year we will bring heaven down and deliver a blow to hell!  I love you and will give my all for you!

Your Child's Greatness!

Not too long ago I was in a discussion about parenting and we were discussing the idea about raising your children according to their unique personality, life language traits (communication profile), strengths, and weaknesses.  Basic idea was each child being different and having different needs.

As I was preparing a sermon about parenting I came across the Verse:

Prov 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. NASU

I have heard this verse taught in a way that seems to be negative to the child; to train them up to go in the way we desire!  It is a far too common mistake to train and teach our kids in what we like or want for them. Yet I feel one of the biggest mistakes we can make as a parent is to have a cookie cutter approach to child training; a one sizes fits all approach. Often what we see in parenting, and do as well, is a well rounded approach to parenting.  Although we need to spend the time training in all areas, it is a trend to spend more time and energy focusing on bettering the weaknesses of a child instead of maximizing his or her strengths. Yet as we spend more time working on their weaknesses we are teaching balance and not success!  One thing I have learned is that nothing is balanced and balanced people are seldom history makers in this thing called life. I have never met a well rounded person that is great at everything they do, and I haven't met a well rounded person who excels at just one thing in an epic way.  When we focus on taking our children's weakness from bad to mediocre, we are not developing their strengths which could make them world changers, all for the goal being “balanced”.

As I was looking through the verse in it's original Hebrew, I noticed it literally translated, “Train a child according to his way”.  This verse has more meaning than training a child by giving them good structure or sound instruction.  It also has another element: it is a customized approach of training based upon your child’s unique gift set, talents, strengths, and individual DNA.

In my studies on leadership, the common thread that covers most every trend is to work on your strengths.  Effective leaders spend their time training, investing, and focusing on other people’s strengths to make them successful! Yet very few parents take the time to invest in the place of their potential greatest influence, and what should be our 1^st priority, our children!  I've heard it said that mediocrity is mass-produced but success and excellence must be custom designed!

Just as God had a unique plan when He made you, He also has a unique plan for your child, not to be a carbon copy of you or anyone else! There is a special purpose for our kids and it's our job to help find that and "pull it out" of them.  It is our job to encourage and challenge them to be all that their strengths and gifting mix could be.  It is our job to encourage them to be world changers and never let them settle for average, balance, common, or mediocrity.  Your child can change history and you have the ability to lead them in that pursuit!  What an amazing and scary responsibility we have when we become a person of influence who is willing to lovingly and patiently mold another human being for greatness.